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Part 3

April 29, 2013

There were quite a few presentations that I could relate to, that I could understand and feel that remembrance of fear I use to have towards some or still do deep down.  

One of them that I could relate to the most was Derik’s, and the fear of being alone, there being no one left, and all there was, was himself.

I had a nightmare similar to that when I was in the Navy, there was a lot going on back home that I couldn’t even begin to understand nor could I have any affect on that probable help lead to this  nightmare, but none the less I had it and it scared me to the bone.

It was basically, I returned home, and everyone was gone, I had no one left and was really all alone.  I was left with such a deep seated felling of horror once I awoke that I had to call home and make sure everyone was alright and that they were still there.

Every since then I have had to fight that deep seated fear, I do everything I can to not think about it, not give it one iota of myself.  Thinking about it makes it all to scary to think about, I’d rather bury it deep down then to think about it.

I know that one day my folks will be gone, and maybe I won’t get much time with my siblings, that’s not really something that can be prevented, people grow up, the move on, and yes they die.  Its just a natural part of life and trying to stop it is a waste of time.

In relation to my own project. the fear of being trapped, in a life, career, and world I don’t want.  There is one thing that sticks out, I’d rather be trapped and have the time to enjoy life with my family and friends, then to be that guy doing what he love, and living how he wants to, but be alone, and have no one there.

The idea of being alone, with no one, or nothing left doesn’t work and seems very unnatural to me, and life is all about the connections, and what you do with them.  Its all about connecting with family, friend, and other people.  Its all a part of being human…

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